Quite honestly, I am the happiest I have been in years. 3 and a half months into my move to West Virginia, I've secured a full time, well paying, job. I've made some amazing new friends, and my relationship with my roommate has grown tighter than ever.
I feel like I have taken control of my life instead of letting my life control me. My illness is managed and under control. Medication really works wonders. It took me losing everything and almost going to jail to realize that I needed the control back in my life.
Being on my medication makes me realize where I'm making mistakes. I've taken unpaid days off at work recently and I recognized the same pattern that has lost me jobs in the past. I also took into account the amount of money I lost by giving those days up. The reason I am at the job is because it pays so well, and I need to remember that. I don't need to push the boundaries to see how far I can get away with. I've played with fire and was burned the better part of a year. I'm ready to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and make something new.
The living situation is well. The honeymoon phase is over, and real feelings are starting to be vocalized. It's nothing that I can't change. I'm a messy person, always have been, and I live with people who are not. Even though I try to contain the mess to strictly my room, it's still not a way to live. I always feel better when things are organized anyways. It's like a trickle down effect. I don't do my laundry, so I wear dirty clothes, which causes me to smell bad, and it offends my roommates. Simple fix. Do laundry. I want so desperately for things to be nice. I'm always paranoid I'm going to get kicked out. It's a self inflicted worry. They're not going to kick me out as long as I pay my rent (which I do).
I feel more settled with life. I feel like I am aiming my life in a right direction. Things that have plagued me for years are now gone and I can fix other things like my compulsive spending, or my personal hygiene.
I am beyond thankful to Brittany. She helps me everyday to be the best person I can be. She brings out the greatest assets in me. She cares about me and my feelings. It's adorable how much I'm in love with her.
Work is going well. I had a mini panic attack about being out from under the security blanket of training, but I am doing well. Each day I grow more and more comfortable, and confident. I really want to be a supervisor. The only way to do that is attendance, and performing your job. It's really that simple.
I have a crush on somebody who isn't Chris. It feels nice to get those butterflies again. Nothing will ever amount to anything with this, but it's nice to feel that feeling again. I'm too guarded to let my feelings get away from me this time.
All in all I can say that I'm happy. That's all I got for now.
N.
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