This hangnail is really cramping my style. It's completely annoying and has been a focal point the majority of the day. I open with this to explain what is one of the biggest downfalls of my personality; anxiety.
To have little material possessions, zero responsibility, and a part time job I worry more about things than any normal person should. It's almost debilitating. I build up things so negatively in my mind that my anxiety is at an all time high. Then, I get so overwhelmed by the amount of anxiety I've created for myself I tend to not do the things, or when I do them, I've wasted so much energy that I feel exhausted despite the task being easy.
A prime example is the task I have to do tomorrow. You see, I am moving back with my Mom after a year because my school decided to close down housing. I have a PT cruiser carload full of possessions there, the unessentials if you will. I've already moved my clothes here and I don't have any furniture to move. I just need a good 3 or 4 hours to pack up the apartment and leave it in mood in ready condition. I've put this off for nearly 4 months and I'm now backed into a corner where I have no other option but to do it tomorrow, or lose my things due to my work schedule this week.
I am SO STRESSED about this, and it's totally my fault. I've put it off for months, and I've built this up in my head that it's going to be some momentous task that I've refused to do it. The reality of the situation is, I will go tomorrow, put on Pandora, and get it all done and collapse in my chair and wonder what all the fuss was about.
I do this over everything though. I blow things monumentally out of proportion for what reason? I think it's almost like a justification to myself for not doing anything difficult. If it seems daunting, who really wants to do it, you know?
-N
No comments:
Post a Comment