I must find an answer.

Today is one of those days where I sit and I wonder about my life. More accurately, I wallow in the depths of my own self pity of the circumstances of my life. Is there ever an answer to the question why? 

I look at my life and all I can think of is how I am the product of every single mistake I made. I filled out my paperwork to transfer schools and I get a glimpse of how much debt I've accumulated for a handful of classes. All I can think of is Dear Jesus God, why didn't I take high school more seriously. Or, why did I have to fall so hard with a mental illness that I'm still trying to recover from. Bill collectors call me for debts I cannot pay, because didn't get the paperwork in on time. 

What am I? I am 23, working a dead end job I hate. I have an eating disorder that now I go to meetings for so I can scrutinize everything I am doing wrong. I live back with my Mom. My mom's about to lose her job. We're struggling financially and it's about to be worse. I just hate days like this; days that my depression gets the better of me.

N