Friends are like flowers.

When I graduated Kindergarten back in a year we won't discuss, we had to sing a song comparing friendship to flowers in the garden of life. I didn't really pay attention to the song at the time because 1. James was tone deaf (we sat beside each other alphabetically) and 2. I couldn't figure out why Mrs. Molnar had a deep speaking voice, and a high pitched singing voice.

Okay, so I got distracted. My apologies. The point is from the very tender age of 5 we are taught the importance of friendships. Being an only child in a family that adored me, I just assumed that everybody liked me. I didn't know there were parts of my personality to dissect and tear apart and make people not like me. I was in for a rude awakening when I started school. For some reason, being friends wasn't as easy as it seemed to be. Throughout elementary school, I had one mutual friend throughout the duration of my time at SES. I wasn't a loner by any means, but I had friends of convenience . If we were in the same class we were fine, if we weren't, I didn't talk to them all year. I was never invited to somebodies house, hanging out with kids from school was just something I didn't do, and by the time I left, I didn't have any friends at all.

In middle school I suddenly had an influx of friends. People didn't care that I was fat, or poor (things that plagued me in grade school). They liked me. Of course I had no idea how to deal with this new found adoration, and I squandered away all the friendships I had by being clingy, and making myself look better in order to fit in. As if my life wasn't compelling enough.

Flash forward to High School and I found a person to be my friend. We had each others backs, despite the difficulties in our life we never lost faith in each other. She was 3 years older than I was, but I loved her. She graduated, and moved away after 9th grade, but we never lost touch. I wound up going to a different high school where I was involved in extra curricular activities that gave me a group of friends whom I loved.

8 years out of high school and life teaches you some valuable lessons about friendship. I'm just going to come out and say it. The people you went to school with, are the people you went to school with. In some cases, (one in my life) the friends you made in high school stays with you. Through the trials and tribulations of adulthood that person is married to you. But most cases, people you went to school with turn into a memory. A story of "oh we used to be so close." A picture on social media can transport you back to a time and people in your life that you're happy you had the time together. Lunch dates become weeks, months, years apart. Texting is reduced to a "hope you're well" exchange on Facebook messenger.

Friendship, I've learned, is a huge amount of give and take and trial runs. Sure, new friendship is intoxicating. There's something incredibly wonderful about having a new friend. Getting to know someone is the best part of things. They don't remember that in 6th grade you lied about your birthday because you wanted your own cupcake. They weren't there for the melt down at 17 when your life seemed to be over because Monica didn't put you in the same position in her Myspace top 8. However, the ones that stick by you. The ones who support you no matter what. The ones who accept that on some days your mania is high, but loves you anyways. Those are a dime a dozen, and when you have them, cherish them.

I refuse to believe that people who TRULY want to be your friend will let you slip away. I moved away from my hometown in 2000, and from my home state in 2011. As previously mentioned, when I left my hometown I didn't have friends. And in 2011 I had a core group of friends, whom I still have to this day. Distance hasn't changed our relationship,, why? Because I accept the limitations that is our life, and I make the effort to change things. I know my friend Randall is the worst communicator on the face of the planet. He takes days to text back, never answers his phone, is generally a busy person, leading a busy life, in the land of busy. I accept this. I text him anyways. I call him every other week and leave him silly voicemails. I don't let him go because I love him, and he matters to me. I do this with all my friendshipa. I keep it together, because those who matter to me, are worth my time. I don't accept the phrase "I don't have time" I've worked 40 hours a week while attending 12 hours of school, and spending time job shadowing, and I still made time out of my day to let my friends know that I was thinking about them.  That's how my 2 best friends remain my best friends despite 4 1/2 and 7 years of distance.

There are some cases I've found recently that the people you weren't friends with orginially doesn't necessarily mean you weren't meant to be friends with them later on.

Gretchen was the most popular girl in school. Everybody knew who she was, and everybody, including me, wanted to be her friend. In 2nd grade, she was recognized as doing the best job learning the Macarena in Mrs. Tyree's class. We didn't have the same teacher until 4th grade. By then she had long established friendships, and didn't share my same admiration of her. Despite being a tomboy, she was very much boys are icky. That said, in 4th grade she was the one who cheered me on in gym class when nobody would. She was the one who would tell the boys not to pick on me. She allowed me to dance square dancing with her when nobody else would. In 5th grade things changed, she befriended people who did not like me, and ultimately followed their lead. She was by far a superior person both intellectually and personally. Gretchen was making 100 on math quizzes, and they were making 70's. When she wasn't around them (on the bus) she was the same Gretchen I grew up loving. I didn't understand what changed in one year. Or why she thought it was important to turn my notes to the teacher, when I'd pass her notes. I left SES, and Gretchen became a memory. She became the pretty wide eyed girl who cut her butt length hair in 3rd grade, and laughed louder and harder than anybody else. When social media brought us together 10 years later, I suddenly realized that her and I were essentially the same person. We were like minded, intelligent, individuals on the same wavelength on a majority of political and social issues. The only thing we disagree on is my love for the grocery store and her disdain for Christmas music. Of course, she has the life I dream of. Happily married, with a beautiful house, and a college education. Yet, despite that, she doesn't treat me like I am a less of an individual. We had very different grade school experiences, and we love to reminisce. Now, she's my daily texting buddy. But she's more than a texting buddy. I consider her one of my closest friends.

John and I were middle school rivals from the beginning. John was the best singer in the school until I came around. That jealousy led to bitter fights and arguments. I was insanely jealous of John. Here he was, an only child of a wealthy and highly respected couple. He had everything he could imagine, except health. He had a bad heart and had to go through major surgeries to fix it. When I came to his high school in 10th grade, he was the one who told everyone I was gay. Our friends from my previous high school told him and he decided it needed to be a secret no more. I resented him for years over that. But I soon realized John was harboring a huge secret but was unable to admit the truth. A secret I once, in a moment of pure drunkness, invited him to share. I told him it was okay, and that life would move on.  We even wound up going to the same college, where we'd talk occasionally but never in the same circle. My jealousy became admiration. I was inspired with how hardworking, determined, and talented he was. Through social media we kept in touch, and last year he fell in love and decided to tell the world. I was cheering him from afar because I knew what he was going through. John, always liked, always respected, was now experiencing small town mentality. My heart broke for him, but at the same time I was rejoicing because finally, this man that I had grown to respect and look up to could be free. We now talk a couple times a week. We are away from our hometowns enjoying life.

Folks, friendship is about effort. Friendship is about allowing somebody into your life who deserves to be there. Friendship is about making time out of your day to tell someone you're thinking about them. Friendship takes hard work. Friendship comes in the most unexpected places. But friendship is the most beautiful thing, growing in the garden of life.