Peace?

Something is lingering in the air, it's mysterious and scary. It's called peace and I'm not sure I can handle it.

Earlier this month I received the biggest blessing I could have possibly imagined. My grandmother offered to pay off my car and let me pay her back in installments that were 1/3 the cost of my car payments. I genuinely don't know what I would have done without her. If I were a believer I would say this is a gift from God. I cannot put it into any other words other than a blessing. I was a month behind on my car payments, and I was having car troubles that I had to pay to fix and basically I just had an expensive machine causing me stress. I ate because of it. I cried, I lost sleep. I didn't know what I was going to do.

So now the burden has been lifted. In addition to that I am actually working more hours at work than I have been. I'm finding it easier to stay in my seat and work with my new schedule. I love working mornings. I'm a morning person to begin with. I think I"m finally settled on a schedule that I want. So with the extra influx of money comes a greater stress reducer. I can actually breathe, make all my bills, and do extra things. I've been buying clothes like crazy. I just love clothes and expressing myself through bright colors. I wouldn't call myself a fashionista, perhaps because I"m not thin yet, but I do like dressing nice.

I"m going through a quarter life crisis it seems. I'm wanting to change everything about my appearance, from the new clothes, to I'm planning to do a radical change in hair color, get glasses and change my underwear. I've also started taking my medication that makes soda taste disgusting, and bought Richard Simmons work out tapes. If we are going to do a change we are going to do it all.

I guess what's happening to me is I feel a sense of peace and I'm not sure how to cope. I haven't felt peace since June of 2007. So I'm not even sure what peace is anymore. Any attempts at peace I've previously had, I have just done something or caused my own chaos. I don't want to do that anymore. I like peace. It's nice to wake up and go a day without crippling anxiety.

Anywho, it's Oscar Sunday. My second favorite day of the year. I'm ready to watch, and anxiously awaiting my pizza.

For Christmas everyone in my household got the flu. I, was the lucky one and only was "sick" for 72 hours. My roommates are still having trouble. This marks the second time I've been sick on Christmas. I'm hoping it's not a trend I earned in my 20's. When I was a kid I was sick every summer/fall season change. I've seemed to get over that. I think I was just allergic to living in Summersville.

The holiday was nice. I was at Brittany's Mom's house, we went over Christmas Eve and helped wrapped presents. Let me tell you, I'd never seen a house so full of presents. I think we counted that there were at least 85 presents. Sorted between 10 people. We each got a little over 6 presents each. The grownups were more excited about the presents than the kids were. I was kind of disappointed how the kids behaved. They weren't bad or anything, but they didn't seem excited they just opened present to present with very to little emotion.

I've been thinking about my New Years resolution for a few days. I actually want to make one I can stick with, something that's not specific to one thing, like "losing weight" or "going to the gym." I'm not one of those people who believe that a new year signifies a new beginning. Because technically the difference between December 31, 2014 and January 1, 2015 is one second. One. I'm not going to accomplish anything in one second.


I'm going to publish this...just like it is...