Okay. First. If you're reading my blogs and wondering about the titles. I have always had titles that didn't correlate to my blogs. It's just a thing I do. Pretty soon I'll start going down the alphabet with random words.
I suppose I should blog about my life, my thoughts, my forward progression, etc etc.
It would be safe to say that I live a relatively simple life. I go to work, and if I'm not at work, I'm at home either sitting in my spot on the couch or I'm asleep. I've always been a homebody so it doesn't matter. I would like to say that me buying a car would give me some great aspect of a social life, but the reality of the situation is I'll either be broke and since I'm driving a gas hog, I'll be trying to conserve gas.
Overall I'm feeling good. I'm generally happy and upbeat most of my days. I feel really emotionally strong. Yesterday marked a year of me being back on my medication and I can really see it working for me. I'm really happy with the results and going back on it was the best decision I could of made.
Work is a crap shoot. The job frustrates and exhausts me. I always feel like there is something else I don't know and I will never learn enough. It bothers me because I am such a fast learner and I pride myself on picking up things really quickly but this is SO much new rushing at me I'm overwhelmed. Plus, I'm not a sales person, never have been. Though I'm highly manipulative, I'm not persuasive. I don't have the confidence in my job to go balls out and see what I can get and my inherent fear of rejection hinders my ability to make a sale. I take each call personally, as if they're mad at me and not the company.
I will say though, committing to buying a car has done wonders to my attendance. I was prone to taking an extra day off or coming in late, but I now realize I need every single penny I can get out of that job. I'm considering pulling some overtime once I get my car.
My living situation is still good. I love the nights that Brittany and I have the evenings to ourselves and we just sit and watch old TV, listen to music and chat about life.
I am having hygiene problems again and everyone is starting to take notice. It's really embarrassing to admit it, but sometimes I can't get myself as clean as I should be. It's a clear sign I need to lose weight. Probably one of the clearest signs I've gotten in awhile.
My Mom and I are doing okay. The Christmas visit didn't go as happily ever after as we had hoped, mainly because I got sick and she's unsympathetic. But, none the less being up there reminded me of the constant chaos that I used to live in, and how much more at peace I am here. My mother and I work well from a distance, and it's really all that needs to happen. She's going through a lot of stressful situations right now and I'm just happy that I'm down here and not there.
I suppose I should get in the shower and prepare for work. It's going to be a long day.
N
Monday, January 13, 2014
Another Mountain Dew, please?
It's 347 in the morning. It's too late to go to bed and too early to go to breakfast. It's the kind of time in the night where you cure your boredom with obsessive readings because your social media is quiet.
I hate the fact that Sunday is my lone weekend day off. I need a day to vegetate and a day to for productivity. With my days off split all I want to do is sleep, and I get nothing done. I know that it solely my decision to chose sleep over chores but I don't feel as if i'm an anomaly in this situation.
This blog has a point. I really swear I'm getting to it.
I've taken a big deep breath, and on Saturday will sign the papers to purchase a new to me vehicle. It pays to know people who work at car dealerships. Having not had a car for 3 years I'm positively ecstatic. Having never taken on such a financial responsibility, I'm terrified.
It all started last week when I got into an exchange of words with the person who takes me to work. It wasn't really an exchange of words per say. I get a text from her friend Tabitha, saying that I cannot ride with my ride, Bethany. Now, Tabitha is one of the most overbearing people I've ever met in my entire life. From the obsessive calls, to following Bethany home every night I feel suffocated just being around them. The fact of the matter is Bethany and Tabitha used to be long time lovers, Bethany fell out of love, and Tabitha can't let go.
ANYWAYS, I just assumed that T was being overbearing again. She gave me reasons that Bethany was becoming frustrated by taking me places after work. I basically tell her to mind her business and go about my merry way. I'm off for 2 days for New Years and at the very end of my second day off Bethany texts me and tells me I need to find a new ride, that she needs to go home immediately after work, and she's tired of the mouthiness and unwanted advice.
Now, I find this interesting considering that she solicites advice with every breath she takes. I can recall several days she asks several people for advice. I generally assumed that all my advice was welcome. As for the mouthiness, I'm still trying to figure out that one. I have never once been disrespectful. I have told her to hang up the phone a time or two while she's driving. But otherwise we have very pleasant exchanges. I will admit to having her take me places after work. She is so gentle natured and passively agreeable I just assumed everything was okay. Perhaps I was taking advantage of her, but I don't think it was that extreme.
So, after the text I find my ride for the next day and tell her I will give her money (I pay her for giving me a ride) when I see her. A few hours later I get a text that says "maybe we can work this out, you an still ride with me." I'm sorry. I can't help but feel a little bit exploited. You were willing to dump me off, leaving me with no ride (yes, I realize it's not her responsibility) until I mention money? It just didn't sit right with me. I found myself feeling resentful and bitter.
Well, I pass these feelings off on my roommate, Brittany. I express everything I feel, and on top of everything going on I had to miss a couple days of work because Bethany wrecked her car and was afraid to drive in the subsequent snowstorm. Brittany is less patient than I am and highly defensive of me. She immediately states the obvious that I need a vehicle of my own. I list all the reasons I can't get a vehicle right now (no down payment, bad credit, no cosigner etc) and go about my business.
Brittany's mother Tina, and father in law Josh work at a car dealership. On Tuesday we had to go over there because our water was shut off. Brittany takes initiative and begins to explain the situation to her mother, and ultimately to Josh. I repeat my setbacks and they assure me it wasn't a problem. They could defer my down payment into installments, and start my actual car payments after I pay off the down payment.
So, I gave them my information and Thursday we closed a deal. I pay 400 the day I pick up my car, and 400 my next two checks to pay off my down payment. Then I pay 303 a month for about a year and a half to buy my car. My credit was approved for financing and they worked out a deal. The car I'm getting is a 2002 Ford Explorer. It has over 100k on it, but it runs beautifully.
I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed by this whole decision making process. First of all I have never made such a financial commitment in my life. Sure, I've lived on my own off and on for years and paid rent, but I view that more as a necessity. I have never bought something over $100 for myself without the help of income tax returns or school loan money. I say that with all seriousness.
Second of all, I just worry about it being an old car with high mileage. I did the worst thing possible for myself and read reviews. They were mixed but of course I am only listening to the negative ones. I'm also a little weary of this car dealership because Brittany bought a new car from them and within a week the transmission dropped from their car.
I'm just scared. I haven't told my mother yet because I know she'll reinforce the negative thoughts already swimming in my head. Part of me is still a child waiting for Mommy's approval, and she's talked me out of buying a car for about 2 years now.
I really cannot explain the feeling of not having your own car. Particularly once you've had one. I sold my last car 3 years ago on an impulse and it was the worst mistake I've ever made. You lose your independence. I feel so juvenile having to ask my roommates for rides to the grocery store, or to the ATM. I lucked out in finding a reliable ride to work, but I'm dependent. I moved out of Ohio, away from my mother, to become a fully independent adult. Having a car is the last step in my plan. I have the opportunities to see friends, go on road trips, date, and go shopping at my leisure.
So that's my story on a new car.
N.
I hate the fact that Sunday is my lone weekend day off. I need a day to vegetate and a day to for productivity. With my days off split all I want to do is sleep, and I get nothing done. I know that it solely my decision to chose sleep over chores but I don't feel as if i'm an anomaly in this situation.
This blog has a point. I really swear I'm getting to it.
I've taken a big deep breath, and on Saturday will sign the papers to purchase a new to me vehicle. It pays to know people who work at car dealerships. Having not had a car for 3 years I'm positively ecstatic. Having never taken on such a financial responsibility, I'm terrified.
It all started last week when I got into an exchange of words with the person who takes me to work. It wasn't really an exchange of words per say. I get a text from her friend Tabitha, saying that I cannot ride with my ride, Bethany. Now, Tabitha is one of the most overbearing people I've ever met in my entire life. From the obsessive calls, to following Bethany home every night I feel suffocated just being around them. The fact of the matter is Bethany and Tabitha used to be long time lovers, Bethany fell out of love, and Tabitha can't let go.
ANYWAYS, I just assumed that T was being overbearing again. She gave me reasons that Bethany was becoming frustrated by taking me places after work. I basically tell her to mind her business and go about my merry way. I'm off for 2 days for New Years and at the very end of my second day off Bethany texts me and tells me I need to find a new ride, that she needs to go home immediately after work, and she's tired of the mouthiness and unwanted advice.
Now, I find this interesting considering that she solicites advice with every breath she takes. I can recall several days she asks several people for advice. I generally assumed that all my advice was welcome. As for the mouthiness, I'm still trying to figure out that one. I have never once been disrespectful. I have told her to hang up the phone a time or two while she's driving. But otherwise we have very pleasant exchanges. I will admit to having her take me places after work. She is so gentle natured and passively agreeable I just assumed everything was okay. Perhaps I was taking advantage of her, but I don't think it was that extreme.
So, after the text I find my ride for the next day and tell her I will give her money (I pay her for giving me a ride) when I see her. A few hours later I get a text that says "maybe we can work this out, you an still ride with me." I'm sorry. I can't help but feel a little bit exploited. You were willing to dump me off, leaving me with no ride (yes, I realize it's not her responsibility) until I mention money? It just didn't sit right with me. I found myself feeling resentful and bitter.
Well, I pass these feelings off on my roommate, Brittany. I express everything I feel, and on top of everything going on I had to miss a couple days of work because Bethany wrecked her car and was afraid to drive in the subsequent snowstorm. Brittany is less patient than I am and highly defensive of me. She immediately states the obvious that I need a vehicle of my own. I list all the reasons I can't get a vehicle right now (no down payment, bad credit, no cosigner etc) and go about my business.
Brittany's mother Tina, and father in law Josh work at a car dealership. On Tuesday we had to go over there because our water was shut off. Brittany takes initiative and begins to explain the situation to her mother, and ultimately to Josh. I repeat my setbacks and they assure me it wasn't a problem. They could defer my down payment into installments, and start my actual car payments after I pay off the down payment.
So, I gave them my information and Thursday we closed a deal. I pay 400 the day I pick up my car, and 400 my next two checks to pay off my down payment. Then I pay 303 a month for about a year and a half to buy my car. My credit was approved for financing and they worked out a deal. The car I'm getting is a 2002 Ford Explorer. It has over 100k on it, but it runs beautifully.
I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed by this whole decision making process. First of all I have never made such a financial commitment in my life. Sure, I've lived on my own off and on for years and paid rent, but I view that more as a necessity. I have never bought something over $100 for myself without the help of income tax returns or school loan money. I say that with all seriousness.
Second of all, I just worry about it being an old car with high mileage. I did the worst thing possible for myself and read reviews. They were mixed but of course I am only listening to the negative ones. I'm also a little weary of this car dealership because Brittany bought a new car from them and within a week the transmission dropped from their car.
I'm just scared. I haven't told my mother yet because I know she'll reinforce the negative thoughts already swimming in my head. Part of me is still a child waiting for Mommy's approval, and she's talked me out of buying a car for about 2 years now.
I really cannot explain the feeling of not having your own car. Particularly once you've had one. I sold my last car 3 years ago on an impulse and it was the worst mistake I've ever made. You lose your independence. I feel so juvenile having to ask my roommates for rides to the grocery store, or to the ATM. I lucked out in finding a reliable ride to work, but I'm dependent. I moved out of Ohio, away from my mother, to become a fully independent adult. Having a car is the last step in my plan. I have the opportunities to see friends, go on road trips, date, and go shopping at my leisure.
So that's my story on a new car.
N.
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